A Moment to Ponder Life

I am at work (what's new) and taking a moment to ponder the state of my life. I work, all the time, and I am really quickly getting into the nitty gritty details of planning a wedding and don't know what to do. There have been so many ideas for so many things, which has been great. But now it's decision time. Not like that's a bad thing; in 10 years who will really care if my centerpieces were on a mirror or the plain tablecloth? But there are so many decisions and it feels like not much time is left to make them all and put it all into motion in time. And anyone who knows me can attest that I suck at making decisions, especially when I am stressed and a lot is riding on those decisions. So, I find myself asking: what's it all for? 

Marriage. Sure the wedding is a fun party, but what really matters is the marriage it celebrates. 

So looking forward, after these details are behind me, what's next? Moving to an unknown place at an unknown time, where my husband will be almost immediately deployed and will continue to be for the majority of our first year of marriage. I will be left not only to unpack our recently merged life by myself, but I will also have to figure out a new place, a new life, and a totally new culture called the Navy. And most all of it I will have to figure out on my own. Whoopie. Needless to say, this part I am not excited about.

No matter how many times I get asked this question, it always shocks me why someone would think to ask it. "Wow. You're about to become a Navy Wife. How can you be so okay with that? Do you know what you're getting yourself into?" Of course I have no idea what I'm getting myself into!! All I know about military life  I have learned from watching Army Wives and from what Josh (and his mom) have told me. And all I've really learned is that you dive in head-first and hope to learn as you go. Let's just say I've always learned best by knowing first, diving second. 

But regardless of how uncertain I am of how I will emotionally survive, I have always been certain of one thing: no matter what I may face in this life or in our marriage, I know that Josh is worth it. Josh is worth the uncertainty. Josh is worth the heartache. Josh is worth the lonliness. I know for a fact that I would rather live with him for a few short months out of a year than live my life without him completely. I've tried to live without him, and clearly, that didn't go so well. Otherwise we wouldn't be getting married in 50 days. 

I will never forget a conversation Josh and I had shortly after we met. He was trying to get to the bottom of why I wouldn't date him. All of his confidence suddenly deflated from within him as he asked, "It's because I am in the military, isn't it..." 

Shocked, my face became squinched as I exclaimed, "What?!? NO! That thought never even crossed my mind!" His ego quickly filled again. "It has nothing to do with your career choice! You're three years younger than me!!!" He didn't seem to find much of anything wrong with this reason, because he hasn't stopped pursuing me since. :)

There are 50 days, countless details, (what seems like) endless planning, and vast uncertainties between me and Mrs. Amie Lou, but I know that none of that matters. I am not choosing the life ahead of me; I am choosing Josh. And that's all I need to know...

101 Ways for 101 Days

One of my favorite poems is "Sonnet 43" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. It's short, but the first lines of the poem are famous: "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..." (to read the sonnet in its beautiful entirety, click here).

Today marks 101 days until the wedding. I love doing top 10 lists, but I couldn't narrow it down to that few! So, to countdown 101 days, here are one hundred and one ways I love Joshua Scott Glazier...

101. His desire for adventure
100. The ways he has made me more adventurous
99. The way he loves me even though I am not as adventurous as him
98. The way he smiles at my attempts to be adventurous
97. The way we can have fun together doing anything
96. The funny faces he makes when taking pictures
95. His sense of humor
94. The fun he brings to everything he does
93. His love of airplanes
92. The noise he makes when he sees an airplane
91. His giddy excitement when talking about airplanes
90. His laugh
89. His smile
88. The joy in his eyes when he smiles
87. The joy in my eyes seeing him smile
86. The fact we don't always have to smile with each other
85. The way he loves me when I'm not smiling
84. The way he can be honest with me when things are hard
83. The way he respects my vulnerability when things are hard for me
82. The way he makes it easy to respect him as a man
81. The way I respect him anyway
80. The way our love grows when he loves me sweetly and I respect him openly
79. The way he loves me for my strengths
78. The way he loves me for my not-as-serious strengths
77. The way I love him with my English-major abilities
76. The way he sweetly asks me to edit his papers
75. The way I love to serve him in that way
74. The way he loves my nerdy-ness

73. The countless books on his bookshelf

72. His countless collection of movies

71. His obsession to alphabetize and categorize his books and movies

70. His love of Glee

69. The way he's not ashamed to let everyone know that he loves Glee

68. The way he sings along to the radio (and Glee) when he thinks no one is listening

67. The way he gets embarrassed when he finds out I was listening

66. The silly look on his face when I tell him there's no reason to be embarrassed

65. The fact that he's still embarrassed anyway 

64. The way he does things just to bug me

63. The joy he gets from bugging me

62. His laugh when he knows he's bugging me

61. The fact that he thinks bugging me is funny

60. The twisted way he loves to get "in trouble"

59. The fact that when he's "in trouble" he knows he's bugging me

58. The way he butters up to me after he gets "in trouble"

57. The way I melt like butter to that face of his

57. The way he loves to put butter on everything

56. The way he still eats my cooking, even when it's healthy

55. The way he likes my cooking, even when it's healthy

54. The way he cooks for me

53. The way he cleans for me

52. The way he serves me because of how much I serve him

51. The way we can serve each other

50. That he allows me to cook and clean for him
49. That he loves my cooking so much
48. His honesty
47. His integrity
46. His strength
45. His courage
44. His honor
43. His love of the Lord
42. The power of his prayers
41. The power of our prayers together
40. The power of his love
39. The depth of his love
38. His love of many things
37. His love of gadgets and electronics
36. His love of guns
35. His desire to have guns
34. His desire to protect me
33. His desire to make sure I'm safe
32. His desire to make sure I'm provided for
31. His desire to have a family
30. His desire to provide for that family
29. His desire to grow old with me
28. The way he calls me old already
27. The way I call him old in return
26. The way we bicker like an old married couple
25. The way we love each other despite our bickering
24. The way we can see each other's faults
23. The way we can love whole-heartedly despite those faults
22. The way love covers a multitude of sins
21. The way he looks at me
20. The way I get butterflies when he looks at me
19. His persistent attitude when I refused to date him
18. His honest charm that made it so hard for me to refuse him
17. His desire to do whatever it took to impress me
16. His desire to do whatever it took to make "us" work
15. The great story of how we started dating
14. The sweet circumstances of our first kiss
13. The effort he put into making our relationship work
12. How our relationship grew over three years and great distances
11. How we continue to grow closer to one another
10. The wonderful way he prosed
9. His impeccable taste in jewelry
8. His commitment to love me no matter what
7. His love of life
6. His love of my family
5. His dedication to his family
4. His dedication to serve this country
3. His dedication to serve me
2. His dedication to serve the Lord
1. I love the way he is who he is... Joshua Scott Glazier. I love you.

NCIS Makes My Life Better

NCIS makes my life better. Really. That may sound funny, but I promise it makes sense. When things are hard, when I am frustrated, when I am upset, I love watching NCIS because it puts my life in perspective. Watching episodes where people die horrible deaths, have shoots-outs with terrorists, get stalked by psycho-criminals, solve peculiar murders, and drink way to many caf-pow's, the problems and situations in my life look so much better in comparison. 

Since becoming engaged, I have been dealing with the jewelry repair center in frustration as I have been fighting to get my ring fixed, and properly. I went to go pick it up today, but it still wasn't done. It was 3 weeks late, was sloppily made, and took 3 times (and hopefully just three) to get it fixed. So I was really bummed when I saw with my own eyes, that it still wasn't done. I know it's small, but my hopes of finally having my ring back after a month were dashed. 

So on my way home all I wanted to do was watch NCIS, because I knew I needed some perspective. My roommates once quoted me saying (during my awful job-searching days), "My life really isn't too bad. My husband wasn't murdered and I wasn't shot today!" 

So many things can give us perspective, and even though NCIS may not be the most beneficial and encouraging, it definitely makes me grateful that those shows don't mirror my everyday life! Prayer, in addition to NCIS, helped me realize that dealing with an imperfect engagement ring isn't the end of the world. It's isn't even the end of the marriage that hasn't even started yet. At the end of the day, it's just a ring, and so many things are more important. And realizing that makes my life better. NCIS just helps in the process... :)

The pits in my ring :(

The Birth of the Redeemer

Redeem: v. 1. to buy back; 2. to pay off; 3. to recover
Redeemer: n. 1. a person who redeems; 2. Jesus Christ
            (credit Dictionary.com)


As all the wrapping paper pieces settle and chaos gives way to silence, I sit and reflect on Christmas. Even before I decided to follow Jesus, I heard the Christmas story year in and year out. It seems to have lost its awe. It seems to have lost its wonder. A virgin teenager really gave birth to the Son of God in a smelly barn? Really?? And He came to not only save the nation of Israel, but the whole world?? Really??? This story is no longer new and wondrous, but old and stale. It is hard for me to remember the miracle that Christmas is all about. But it truly is miraculous that Christmas not only celebrates the birth of the Savior, but also the redemption of us all.

As I have been finding new reflections to freshen this Christmas season, I was surprised to find that the official definition of Redeemer is Jesus. Even secular, non-bias sources see Jesus Christ as not only a redeemer, but The Redeemer. So, I have found my fresh perspective on Christmas as I reflect on how I was redeemed. I am in awe of the ways Jesus has saved my life, saved those in my life, and blessed the road ahead. I am Redeemed because He is the Redeemer.

Thank you LORD for saving me, for redeeming me, for setting me free. Thank you for loving me so much that you paid the ultimate price to redeem my life from the ultimate bondage. And thank you for allowing me to spend your birthday celebration with those I love so dearly. Thank you LORD. I love you. 


*Looking for a fresh look at the Christmas story? Check out this cute video...

Pass It On

When I first got engaged, I was first elated, and then overwhelmed when I started to think of everything that needed to be done. Now, two months into it, Almost everything is either booked or has been purchased, and even though things are moving fast as May rapidly approaches, I feel like I am able to relax and enjoy the planning. 

I have a friend who just got engaged this weekend and is planning to be married in February. I am so excited for her! But as we were talking about it, I could see the look of fear and stress overtake her face. This is a time where she should be joyous and excited to take this new step in her life, but instead she is burdened by plans and stressed that she doesn't know what to do or where to even begin. Being slightly ahead of the planning process, I offered to help her. And within 20 minutes I was able to give her nearly 20 different links to dress rental shops, caterers, marriage license and name change info, reception venues, how to register with various stores, easy invitations, and upcoming bridal expos. Having been in her shoes, I know how helpful and essential this is. 

If it weren't for Jackie, Sharayah, and other recently wedded individuals, I would have been so bogged down and lost, that I would have been on the verge of a stress-induced coma. I am so grateful for their help in my planning process (and continuous help), and I am so grateful that I was able to pay that forward today. 

So, as as the world prepares to pause (hopefully) and celebrate Peace, let's stop and think about what others have done for us. What can you do to pass this kindness on to another? What can you do for a friend or stranger that they can pass it on to someone else? As we are in the midst of the season of giving, think about what things you can give. Because the best gifts are those that can't be returned, but passed on. 

Looking 3 Years Back and 150 Days Forward

Three years ago today I took a risk and began a journey with my best friend. I had no idea where it would end up, but I knew I had to take that risk of heartache and disappointment and find out.

For the months leading up to December 7, 2008, Josh did everything he could to convince me I should date him. But looking at the situation, I was hesitant and doubtful. He was a freshman just starting college, and I was senior about to graduate college. Where could this even go except an untimely death and heartbreak? It took months to even allow myself to have a crush on him. He was (and still is) an attractive and charming man of God. What's not to like about that? But I couldn't get over the fear of risking it all and ending up alone.

It was an act of God that convinced me to date Josh. I knew in my heart that even if he was one year older, I would have thrown myself at his feet. But because of my hesitancy, it forced me to rely on God and his leading in a way I had never done before. Through listening to a song (you can read more of that story by clicking here) I realized I had been guarding my heart too hard and wasn't letting anyone in. God was asking me what the worst outcome could be and when thinking about it that way, it wasn't so bad. Especially when comparing that to the best possible outcome.

So, I agreed to date him and the conversations that followed are quite indicative of our relationship. We both agreed that two things needed to happen before we could date: talking to our other best friend and talking to my dad. Josh is very traditional and wanted to ask my father's permission to date me. We had formed a little three Musketeers group, so we knew we also had to talk to Jackie, the third Musketeer. Josh was under the impression that once these things happen, we would be dating. I was under the impression that once these things happen, we would have another conversation to officially start dating. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I get a text asking, "So, we're legit now, right?" I was furious. Even though it lead to a mini-fight, it makes a great story now.

December 7, 2008: After a long, tearful, but amazing conversation.

But we ended up having a great first official date on December 7th. We bared our souls to each other and found forgiveness and acceptance like I never even knew was possible. And over the past three years it hasn't been easy; there have been times of heartache and times of doubt, but when those happened, it all came down to what I wanted. And I couldn't imagine my life without Josh. He was what I wanted.

So now, looking forward, I am excited for what lies ahead of us. In 150 days we will be husband and wife, and I look forward to having the rest of our lives to continue to learn about each other and grow with each other and get old with each other. And I know it won't all be wedded bliss, but I will be with my best friend forever, so to me, it will all be worth it.

I love you Joshua. Happy Three Years, and I look very much forward to being your wife in 150 days... but who's counting? ;)

A Weekend of Wedding Shopping

Last weekend both of my wonderful moms as well as Josh's mom and sister came to visit for a weekend full of wedding planning and dress shopping.  I am so honored to be blessed with so many wonderful and supportive women to walk this wedding journey with me (did you catch that amazing alliteration? My English-major skills are still intact!). 

Beforehand, I was nervous about getting stressed out by an overload of people and information, but the weekend went so well! We had lots of girly bonding time, toured reception places, and I even bought my dress! Okay, well, I didn't buy it, but I have one! (Thanks Pamela!) If you want to know what it looks like, too bad. You have to wait until May when I post wedding pictures. Can't leak the secret to Josh! 

However, I will share the response I got back from my dad from seeing a picture of my dress. It's one of my favorite top ten lists he's done. Best of all, he made his little girl cry... 

Amie-

Pamela e-mailed me some photos of your wedding gown options. They all were gorgeous. However, my mind did go through some gyrations while viewing the gowns along with the image of you getting married in one. So I will share with you my brain’s activity as I give you the top ten thoughts going through your Dad’s head regarding this wedding gown:

10. Is there enough gold left in Ft. Knox to pay for this gown!

9. With a train like this, should I bring my locomotive whistle to the wedding?

8. How do they harvest heavenly clouds to make such a gown?

7. After the wedding, it will still have value as camouflage when hunting in the snow!

6. This gown is a bit over-the-top, though, if Amie opts for the Vegas Elvis wedding chapel!

5. This looks like a serious tripping hazard for Dad walking down the aisle!

4. How close is Amie’s collection getting to the magic # 27?

3. Will little blue birds help to assemble this gown?

2. This gown will definitely elicit a “WOW” from Josh at the front of the church!

And the number one thought going through your Dad’s head regarding this wedding gown is 

1. Imagining what an absolutely stunningly beautiful bride my little Girly-Whirl will be on her

wedding day!

What a wonderful daddy :)

I Get Paid for This?? Seriously???

The best jobs are the ones that don't even feel like jobs. I know I haven't even been working for a whole week and have barely even started the honeymoon phase, but I love my job. I am an assistant at Utah Youth Village working in one of their residential treatment facilities for teenage girls. So far I've gotten paid for doing a puzzle, having a dance party, watching a soccer game, cooking, reading, and best of all, talking. Can't beat that! I know the job has difficult parts (like the hours and discipline), but overall, they are just teenage girls who just need love. Plus, it's in what seems like a remote part of the world on a farm with tons of horses. It's a great environment and despite what it feels like, it's not really that far away at all. A new girl came yesterday, so I know it's just going to get harder as she adjusts and more girls come, but it was so clear that God opened this door for me, and it's so clear already that this is a good fit for me.

My job is assisting the live-in staff, but right now, there are no live-in staff. So, needless to say I'm working a lot. But the days pass so quickly it doesn't even seem like I am working. I don't get to see my roommates much, or Josh even, but the Lord provided this job, so hopefully He will still provide for those relationships despite the busyness.

All in all, I find myself loving what I am doing because I know it's a good fit for me. How many people can say that? So grateful :)

The puzzle I did with the girls and my co-worker. Piecing together those brick pieces were a beast! 

Josh, my pilot boyfriend, did a fly-over at their soccer game on Saturday. I tried to take a picture of his plane, but I couldn't see the screen. Even though I missed the plane, it's a cool picture anyway!

The view of the campus from our driveway. SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!

It's Time to go to Work!

On a whim, I applied for a job that sounded interesting over labor day weekend. That Tuesday morning I got a call asking to me to come in that week for an interview. I had the interview last Friday. They asked me on the spot to come in for a second interview. Tuesday (a week after the first call) they called and asked for a copy of my driving record and three references and said they would call soon to set up the second interview. Even though it was moving pretty quickly, I didn't think much of it and figured it would still be another week or so before I really hear any news back.

Well, they called me yesterday confirming they received my driving record and has spoken with two of my references. Then they offered me the job. SAY WHAT??!?!? Yeah, they offered me the job. No second interview. No more hoops to jump through. And they asked me to start today. SAY WHAT??!?!? So, in less than a week and a half I applied for a job, had an interview, got hired, and started work. Wow. Just wow.

This morning when I woke up and read the Bible verse for the day, I was surprised at what I found. "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him" (Hebrews 11:6). Say What?!?! It's almost as if God whispered to me in that moment that getting this job is a reward for honestly seeking Him (as I wrote about in my last post). Even though I didn't feel as if I found Him, He apparently found me. How amazing!

Since I am jumping in head first and working all weekend, I asked Josh out to breakfast this morning to celebrate and to spend some time together before my life gets too busy. I mentioned that I needed a watch (because mine broke ages ago and it's not likely I'll be able to have my phone on me). So, he took me to Kohls (which has the best sales in the world by the way) and bought me a beautiful sparkly one (on sale, of course) to celebrate my first day of work. He really is the best guy anyone could ever ask for.

So, as I look down at my wrist and wonder what time it is, I realize, it's time to go to work! :D

*And if you're wondering what my job is, don't worry. I'm sure my next post will tell all about it, so check back in a few days for that update. 

It's Starting to Feel Like Home

As of today (over a month living in my new place), I finally feel like I am at home. I don't have all of my walls decorated, but I do have all the elements in my room to make it feel complete. I am surrounded my images of those I love, I have curtains to hide my neatly organized closet, and a couch to cushion my bottom. Ahhhhhh..... Finally feels good to relax in here! :)

Not only is my room finally situated, but today while I was running errands, I ran into someone I knew!!! That is the true mark of having a community.

Still no news on the job front, but at least I'll have a comfortable place to sit tight and wait. Ahhhhhhhh... :)

Being Grateful

I heard a sermon this past weekend on what it means to be grateful. Honestly, I don't remember exactly what the pastor said, but it got me thinking about what I am grateful for. I can get so caught up in so much else, that I often forget. So, I began to think about it in church and started to cry. I've been thinking a lot about it since and decided I needed to write a list. So, this is my abridged list, because today, I could go on forever and ever...

Jesus and his gift of free Life
God's unending forgiveness and sovereignty
The ability to pray freely and be heard unconditionally
That my parents are alive (two of them were caught in the Joplin tornado in May)
A loving family
Three wonderful parents
Mary and her powerful and unending prayers
Josh and his physical, emotional, and spiritual protection over me
Jackie and her unconditional truth, grace, and love
Julie and her pioneer ministry and determination to declare the Gospel with her life
Amazing friendships that transcend time and proximity
My family in Christ
A place to live and enough money to survive
Political and spiritual freedom
Those who have served to protect this country at all times, especially the last decade
Time to think today about what I am grateful for
People who have interest in possibly wanting to hire me
Sunshine, mountains, flowers, and a beautiful city
A place where I can fully relax
Books and my passion for reading
My education and training to write well
Getting to share my heart and thoughts with you through this blog
People willing and wanting to read my blog (Thanks!)
Music
Art
Intellect
Strength and weaknesses
Desire to live a legacy
My life, God's protection, and God's provision
Ability to see what God has saved me from and what He's saving me for

There's so much more, but for the sake of time and space, I'll leave it at this... for now...