Something Heavenly

I love my job. But like all things in life, it's hard. It was especially hard tonight to see one of my girls wrought by fear and pain from her past. After comforting her, I cried harder than I have in a while and my heart fissured into a million tiny pieces. It's not fair. How could anyone so young and beautiful and vibrant be so crippled by fear that they remain paralyzed? It's so easy to get annoyed and frustrated by their attitudes and actions, but there's nothing like a humble dose of reality to remind you why they have attitudes and why they act as they do. I am so filled with compassion and empathetic pain that my soul aches.

Tonight I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I pray that God's presence would fill this place and dispel all fear. I pray that these broken girls would grow and blossom into strong and courageous women. I pray that the Lord would fill them with His Spirit and it would transform them from the inside out. I pray for healing and love to abound. I pray for radical change in their hearts and in their lives. I pray for peace.

I was talking and crying to my roommate about how my heart literally ached and that I don't think I can pray hard enough or loud enough. I told her that, "I know God hears my prayers, I just don't know how powerful they are to move mountains, and with these girls, mountains need to be moved." To which she replied, "That's why He brought you to them. They can't move mountains on their own."

While processing this, these lyrics came on the radio:
"Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but I believe you're up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something Heavenly." 


My heart feels like chaos, but I know all of this is bigger than me. The girls, their stories, my story, working here, it's something heavenly. That brings comfort to my breaking heart tonight.

My Marketable Mommy Skills

My roommates and I joke with our other roommate, Morgan (who is LDS), that if she wants to find a good Mormon boy to marry, she needs to develop her marketable marriage skills such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, and general wifey attributes. Well, all this last week I have been going through training for my job. I have been learning how to teach to behaviors through effective praise, preventative teaching, and corrective teaching during the day, and at nights I've been learning how to keep my cool while the girls try to push all of my buttons to my breaking point.

My mom always told me as I grew up that when you have a baby, no one teaches you how to be a parent, that there's no manual for mommies. Well, I have discovered the secret to parenting: my job. Usually parents start from the beginning and figure it out as they go. It's slightly unconventional to start with teenagers, but my job is preparing me to be a parent, and a good one at that. I am learning how to deal with tantrums, encourage healthy behaviors, teach to inappropriate behaviors, and be a good role model of what a healthy life looks like. So now I can not only market my marriage skills to potential suitors who come to call, but I can also market these mommy skills I am developing to snag a good Jesus-following boy to marry ;) But hopefully these marketable skills will not evolve into a brochure that will get pulled out along with my baby pictures when my boyfriend comes home. That would be embarrassing. 

Despite working a billion-and-a-half hours these past few weeks because of training, we've also done some pretty fun stuff. Here's some pics of activities that have marketed my mommy skills...

Tonight the whole campus went to the REAL Salt Lake soccer game against the Portland Timbers. It was a tie, but funny to watch the girls get into the game and root for Portland just to rebel against the staff. As far as rebellion goes, I'd gladly take that over anything else any day! 

I've become the official hair-braider in the house. This is what I missed out on not having sisters! Glad I get to be a part of girly bonding now though :)

We take the girls running around the local farms just about every day. This is a sunflower one of the girls found against the backdrop of a blue sky and the Oquirrh Mountains. Beautiful. 

There are a few apple and pear trees in the back yard, so we've been eating really fresh fruit! So delicious! The girls seem to enjoy healthy eating more when they have the experience of picking their food themselves! :)

Friday was the campus service project of picking up trash in random places around Tooele. They were all rewarded with a pizza party and cookie decorating. This is my happy Halloween cookie. It made my tummy happy too. Yummm...

After having a few really hard days in a row of training and working with the girls and working a 17-hour day, I came home to find a bouquet of my favorite flowers by my bed. Thanks Josh for keeping me sane when work is hectic! 

If you give a three-year old a camera...

... she'll want to take more pictures. Have you ever read If You Give A Mouse a Cookie? Or it's more sophisticated and realistic alternative (that I grew up reading) If You Give A Moose A Muffin? I feel like my evening with Eva went about like that.

She was so hyper and so adorable that I asked to take a picture of her. And then it snowballed from there. I asked her to smile for a picture. Then she asked to dance for a picture. And then she wanted to take a picture of me. And then another. And then another. And then I knew there was no hope to put my camera down. Until the battery died. And then the adventure in singing began...

I am convinced that Eva is the most adorable little girl in the world. To those of you who have children of your own, I am sure your kids are cute too. But Eva is probably cuter. No offense. She says and does the stinkin' cutest things ever. So, as you admire her amazing photography skills (and my less-than-glamorous modeling "skills"), let me share a few of the things she said tonight.

While reading an article in ZooBooks about a weasel that changes colors with the seasons:
Amie: Eva, do you change colors too?
Eva: YEAH! I am pink!
Amie: Okay, what about in winter?
Eva (with a wide grin): Uhhh... Not pink!

Eva singing the alphabet song:
"O, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o..." (One down, 25 to go...)

While trying to convince Eva to calm down and sleep to no avail, my phone rings in the other room:
Eva: What's that???
Amie: That's just my phone.
Eva: Who's calling??
Amie (trying to be funny): That's God calling, saying you need to pray and go to sleep.
Eva (terror immediately washed over her face and scooted under her covers): I'm ready to sleep now.

Amazing. And soooo adorable. I can't help but laugh when I am with Eva ;-)