When You're Exhausted You Lose More Than Your Mind

I lost my keys yesterday. I was frantically tearing my room apart for almost 15 minutes and was late to work. I was only able to get to work because Josh was so sweet and brought me my keys at 6 o'clock in the morning (which was 10 minutes after I had to leave for work). I came home from work late last night and still could not find them anywhere. And I mean anywhere. I was absolutely stupefied.

I have been exhausted the last few days. It didn't help that previous to the 9.5 hours of sleep I got last night, I had only slept 2 of those previous 40. Odd work hours and the new Twilight movie is mainly to blame. The movie was good, by the way, if you were wondering (which most of you probably could care less about). I'm not usually one to be all about midnight showings, but a good friend rallied me into going, so I dragged my roommate, Jackie, along too. The only thing was that I had to be up at 5 to get to work the next morning. If only I had known the chaos that would ensue, I probably would have opted to see the movie on my day off instead.

So, I came home from the movie, set my keys down somewhere I couldn't remember and went to bed. I usually throw them in the same place on the floor or on my bed. They weren't in either of those locations. Or anywhere else. Even yesterday night I couldn't find them. But when I woke up this morning I stumbled upon them, completely unintentionally. When I awoke, I sat up in bed and heard a strange clinking noise, that oddly resembled my keychains hitting one another. The best part? My bed was made. So I tore off my sheets, and there were my keys. How did my keys end up underneath my sheets? Great question. I am asking myself the same thing. It's like a weird, twisted version of the princess and the pea. I'm not even one who is prone to losing keys, or anything for that matter. But I guess when I am exhausted I lose more than my mind. I should go to bed right now to get sleep. But fist I am going to make sure I know exactly where my keys are!

It's Time to go to Work!

On a whim, I applied for a job that sounded interesting over labor day weekend. That Tuesday morning I got a call asking to me to come in that week for an interview. I had the interview last Friday. They asked me on the spot to come in for a second interview. Tuesday (a week after the first call) they called and asked for a copy of my driving record and three references and said they would call soon to set up the second interview. Even though it was moving pretty quickly, I didn't think much of it and figured it would still be another week or so before I really hear any news back.

Well, they called me yesterday confirming they received my driving record and has spoken with two of my references. Then they offered me the job. SAY WHAT??!?!? Yeah, they offered me the job. No second interview. No more hoops to jump through. And they asked me to start today. SAY WHAT??!?!? So, in less than a week and a half I applied for a job, had an interview, got hired, and started work. Wow. Just wow.

This morning when I woke up and read the Bible verse for the day, I was surprised at what I found. "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him" (Hebrews 11:6). Say What?!?! It's almost as if God whispered to me in that moment that getting this job is a reward for honestly seeking Him (as I wrote about in my last post). Even though I didn't feel as if I found Him, He apparently found me. How amazing!

Since I am jumping in head first and working all weekend, I asked Josh out to breakfast this morning to celebrate and to spend some time together before my life gets too busy. I mentioned that I needed a watch (because mine broke ages ago and it's not likely I'll be able to have my phone on me). So, he took me to Kohls (which has the best sales in the world by the way) and bought me a beautiful sparkly one (on sale, of course) to celebrate my first day of work. He really is the best guy anyone could ever ask for.

So, as I look down at my wrist and wonder what time it is, I realize, it's time to go to work! :D

*And if you're wondering what my job is, don't worry. I'm sure my next post will tell all about it, so check back in a few days for that update. 

Playing Hide and Seek with God

I was not looking for God when I found Him. I was going about my own business living my own life when He sought me. A commonly quoted verse states that ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. Well, I did not ask, I wasn't seeking, and I certainly never knocked.

But tonight I am asking, seeking, and knocking, desperate to connect with my Lord. But I hear nothing in reply. Why is it that when I am hiding God seeks me, and when I seek Him I feel He hides His face and voice? I have felt so distant from God for some time. I know He has not gotten further away, but I have become more distracted. So, why is it when I finally lay aside all of my distractions, I don't see Him? I am reading and praying  and yearning to feel God's touch on my heart. I know that my relationship with God does not depend on feelings, but relies on faith. But I long for another moment where I feel Him near. I am seeking but I feel as if He is hiding.

In my desire to find anything even resembling God tonight, I stumbled upon Romans 9 which eventually lead me (through footnotes) to Isaiah 65:1. "I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me, I was found by those who did not seek me." This immediately resonated with my beginnings as a believer in Jesus. I heard myself pleading with Him in that moment: "God, why are we playing Hide and Seek? Why do you seek me when I am hiding and hide when I seek You? Can't the Ask, Seek, Knock verse in Matthew be my reality tonight? I am trying so hard to connect with you. Please respond to me. Please let me know that you are still there, that you haven't forgotten your daughter even though my thoughts have turned from you. I need you always, but especially now."

And it suits that the next verse I read stated that finding God "does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy" (Romans 9:16). Go figure that it doesn't matter how hard I seek or how desperately I want to find, I can't control when or how God reveals Himself*. I just have to pray for His mercy that He will. So, as much as it feels like it, this is not a game of Hide and Seek, but more a lifestyle of Pray and Wait. I think I'll need more patience for this one...

* (And I think it's ironic that in showing me He is not required to reveal Himself, He revealed Himself. I love God's humor.)

How can we sum this up? All those people who didn't seem interested in what God was doing actually embraced what God was doing as He straightened out their lives. And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. they were so absorbed in their "God Projects" that they didn't notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock int he middle of the road. And so they stumbled into Him and went sprawling. Isaiah gives us the metaphor for pulling all of this together:
Careful! I've put a huge stone on the road to Mount Zion,
a stone you can't get around.
But the stone is me! If you're looking for me,
You'll find me on the way, not in the way.

-Romans 9:30-33 (Message version)