Looking 3 Years Back and 150 Days Forward

Three years ago today I took a risk and began a journey with my best friend. I had no idea where it would end up, but I knew I had to take that risk of heartache and disappointment and find out.

For the months leading up to December 7, 2008, Josh did everything he could to convince me I should date him. But looking at the situation, I was hesitant and doubtful. He was a freshman just starting college, and I was senior about to graduate college. Where could this even go except an untimely death and heartbreak? It took months to even allow myself to have a crush on him. He was (and still is) an attractive and charming man of God. What's not to like about that? But I couldn't get over the fear of risking it all and ending up alone.

It was an act of God that convinced me to date Josh. I knew in my heart that even if he was one year older, I would have thrown myself at his feet. But because of my hesitancy, it forced me to rely on God and his leading in a way I had never done before. Through listening to a song (you can read more of that story by clicking here) I realized I had been guarding my heart too hard and wasn't letting anyone in. God was asking me what the worst outcome could be and when thinking about it that way, it wasn't so bad. Especially when comparing that to the best possible outcome.

So, I agreed to date him and the conversations that followed are quite indicative of our relationship. We both agreed that two things needed to happen before we could date: talking to our other best friend and talking to my dad. Josh is very traditional and wanted to ask my father's permission to date me. We had formed a little three Musketeers group, so we knew we also had to talk to Jackie, the third Musketeer. Josh was under the impression that once these things happen, we would be dating. I was under the impression that once these things happen, we would have another conversation to officially start dating. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I get a text asking, "So, we're legit now, right?" I was furious. Even though it lead to a mini-fight, it makes a great story now.

December 7, 2008: After a long, tearful, but amazing conversation.

But we ended up having a great first official date on December 7th. We bared our souls to each other and found forgiveness and acceptance like I never even knew was possible. And over the past three years it hasn't been easy; there have been times of heartache and times of doubt, but when those happened, it all came down to what I wanted. And I couldn't imagine my life without Josh. He was what I wanted.

So now, looking forward, I am excited for what lies ahead of us. In 150 days we will be husband and wife, and I look forward to having the rest of our lives to continue to learn about each other and grow with each other and get old with each other. And I know it won't all be wedded bliss, but I will be with my best friend forever, so to me, it will all be worth it.

I love you Joshua. Happy Three Years, and I look very much forward to being your wife in 150 days... but who's counting? ;)