Something Heavenly

I love my job. But like all things in life, it's hard. It was especially hard tonight to see one of my girls wrought by fear and pain from her past. After comforting her, I cried harder than I have in a while and my heart fissured into a million tiny pieces. It's not fair. How could anyone so young and beautiful and vibrant be so crippled by fear that they remain paralyzed? It's so easy to get annoyed and frustrated by their attitudes and actions, but there's nothing like a humble dose of reality to remind you why they have attitudes and why they act as they do. I am so filled with compassion and empathetic pain that my soul aches.

Tonight I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I pray that God's presence would fill this place and dispel all fear. I pray that these broken girls would grow and blossom into strong and courageous women. I pray that the Lord would fill them with His Spirit and it would transform them from the inside out. I pray for healing and love to abound. I pray for radical change in their hearts and in their lives. I pray for peace.

I was talking and crying to my roommate about how my heart literally ached and that I don't think I can pray hard enough or loud enough. I told her that, "I know God hears my prayers, I just don't know how powerful they are to move mountains, and with these girls, mountains need to be moved." To which she replied, "That's why He brought you to them. They can't move mountains on their own."

While processing this, these lyrics came on the radio:
"Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but I believe you're up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something Heavenly." 


My heart feels like chaos, but I know all of this is bigger than me. The girls, their stories, my story, working here, it's something heavenly. That brings comfort to my breaking heart tonight.