A Moment to Ponder Life

I am at work (what's new) and taking a moment to ponder the state of my life. I work, all the time, and I am really quickly getting into the nitty gritty details of planning a wedding and don't know what to do. There have been so many ideas for so many things, which has been great. But now it's decision time. Not like that's a bad thing; in 10 years who will really care if my centerpieces were on a mirror or the plain tablecloth? But there are so many decisions and it feels like not much time is left to make them all and put it all into motion in time. And anyone who knows me can attest that I suck at making decisions, especially when I am stressed and a lot is riding on those decisions. So, I find myself asking: what's it all for? 

Marriage. Sure the wedding is a fun party, but what really matters is the marriage it celebrates. 

So looking forward, after these details are behind me, what's next? Moving to an unknown place at an unknown time, where my husband will be almost immediately deployed and will continue to be for the majority of our first year of marriage. I will be left not only to unpack our recently merged life by myself, but I will also have to figure out a new place, a new life, and a totally new culture called the Navy. And most all of it I will have to figure out on my own. Whoopie. Needless to say, this part I am not excited about.

No matter how many times I get asked this question, it always shocks me why someone would think to ask it. "Wow. You're about to become a Navy Wife. How can you be so okay with that? Do you know what you're getting yourself into?" Of course I have no idea what I'm getting myself into!! All I know about military life  I have learned from watching Army Wives and from what Josh (and his mom) have told me. And all I've really learned is that you dive in head-first and hope to learn as you go. Let's just say I've always learned best by knowing first, diving second. 

But regardless of how uncertain I am of how I will emotionally survive, I have always been certain of one thing: no matter what I may face in this life or in our marriage, I know that Josh is worth it. Josh is worth the uncertainty. Josh is worth the heartache. Josh is worth the lonliness. I know for a fact that I would rather live with him for a few short months out of a year than live my life without him completely. I've tried to live without him, and clearly, that didn't go so well. Otherwise we wouldn't be getting married in 50 days. 

I will never forget a conversation Josh and I had shortly after we met. He was trying to get to the bottom of why I wouldn't date him. All of his confidence suddenly deflated from within him as he asked, "It's because I am in the military, isn't it..." 

Shocked, my face became squinched as I exclaimed, "What?!? NO! That thought never even crossed my mind!" His ego quickly filled again. "It has nothing to do with your career choice! You're three years younger than me!!!" He didn't seem to find much of anything wrong with this reason, because he hasn't stopped pursuing me since. :)

There are 50 days, countless details, (what seems like) endless planning, and vast uncertainties between me and Mrs. Amie Lou, but I know that none of that matters. I am not choosing the life ahead of me; I am choosing Josh. And that's all I need to know...

Happy Birthday to Me!

I have been so touched today. I have been so overwhelmed and honored at the outpouring of calls, cards, and birthday wishes. I feel so loved! And I had such a great day (despite having to work)! Instead of telling you about my day, I'll show you...

It started last night when my co-workers and girls in the house threw me a birthday party, made me a cake, and  got me the new Birthday Oreos (which literally taste like cake batter with sprinkles in an Oreo). Who needs candles when you can top your cake with an Oreo?

Then I got a super-sweet card from one of the girls in the house that validated why I do what I do. In the card she wrote, "You are such an amazing God fearing woman and I admire that greatly." I must be doing something right!!

Then this morning Josh took me out for breakfast before he had to go fly. If I had been wearing make-up at 8am, I probably would have photo-documented this wonderful celebration with my almost-husband. However, because of my last few adventures in Einstein's Bagels without makeup, I hide my naked face there now. The first time, I got teased by an elderly woman. I was wearing sweats, no make-up, it was 8:30am, and a rickety white-haired lady teetered past me on the sidewalk, took one look at my face, proclaimed I must have had a late night last night, and laughed. The second time, the cashier asked if I was feeling ok. I was. I just wasn't wearing make-up. You would think I would have learned my lesson, but I love Einstein's, and there was no time to put make-up on before meeting Josh. Thus, no photo-documentation. Anyway...

Then I went with the beautiful Jackie to PICK UP MY WEDDING DRESS!!!! I couldn't stop crying when I was trying it on. It was, it is perfect! All the alterations they made are flawless! I was really nervous at my first fitting when they estimated how much to take in on each side, but I am so impressed. It fits me like a glove. I can't wait to wear it for more than five minutes! When I brought it home, I had to laugh, because my closet is so short, that my dress won't fit! Thus, it has to hang on the back of my door. It was kind of funny though, because I sat on my bed, looking at the dress bag, and couldn't sit still. I kept walking up to it and un-zipping it and fawning over it as if it were a new baby! I love my dress!!! What a great birthday present!

Then I got to have lunch with my dearest friend, maid-of-honor, and roommate Jackie. I hadn't seen her for nearly three weeks because I was working, and then she was in Swaziland on a mission trip and then in Illinois visiting a friend. It was such a sweet time catching up, hearing about trips, and sharing life. And then I cried (again) thinking of how grateful I am for Jackie, her love, her heart, and her friendship. I guess I'm just a big softie today...

When I was driving back to work for the evening shift, the sun was sparkling so vibrantly on the Great Salt Lake. It was such a beautiful, warm, and sunny day, that if I didn't know it was March 5th, I would have thought it was spring!

And even though I worked all night, I taught a girl how to make quiche, played soccer, and braided hair, it was still a great day. Not ideal, but what really is?? I had a great birthday!! Thank you to all of you who have called, texted, and wished me well today! I could have had a quarter-life crisis today, but couldn't find anything to complain about!

So, 25 down, and many more wonderful years to go! :)


*Feel free to join me in my annual celebration of my namesake... It's better than the Happy birthday Song. It's Pure Prairie League!